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Dave Holmes

Dave Holmes's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer® when published at Tomatometer-approved publication(s).

Reviews

Movies TV Shows
After the Screaming Stops (2018) 100% EDIT “It will rip your head off of your neck.” – Esquire Magazine Aug 30, 2019 Full Review Serenity (2019) 21% EDIT “As a movie, I did not love it, but as a reminder to get high and do some squats, I found it useful.” – Esquire Magazine Feb 1, 2019 Full Review Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) 47% EDIT “I saw Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets the other night, and my soul just tendered its letter of resignation. I have been dazzled to death, entertained to the brink of epilepsy, and I think I might have accidentally gotten Lasik.” – Esquire Magazine Oct 17, 2018 Full Review Fifty Shades Freed (2018) 11% EDIT “The movie is just a few plot ideas thrown here and there, punctuated by sex between two people who might as well be computer-generated.” – Esquire Magazine Oct 17, 2018 Full Review The Emoji Movie (2017) 6% EDIT “The Emoji Movie is cynical, dull, exhausting, soulless, joyless, pointless, and never, ever funny. But on the other hand, I enjoy the faces of disappointed children, so for me the whole experience was really kind of a wash.” – Esquire Magazine Oct 17, 2018 Full Review The Happytime Murders (2018) 23% EDIT “It is both relentless and dull, simultaneously desperate and delighted with itself. It is exactly what we deserve, and it is awful.” – Esquire Magazine Oct 16, 2018 Full Review Mile 22 (2018) 23% EDIT “If you'd like a barrage of ear-splitting action scenes interspersed with the most tedious arguments you've ever overheard from married couples in restaurants, Mile 22 is the movie for you.” – Esquire Magazine Oct 16, 2018 Full Review Gotti (2018) 0% EDIT “Gotti is a terrible, terrible movie. Stay away from it, stugots.” – Esquire Magazine Jun 22, 2018 Full Review The Greatest Showman (2017) 56% EDIT “The Greatest Showman is absolutely full of it, but it will allow your head to cool off for an hour and forty-five minutes, which, this Christmas perhaps more than any other, might be exactly what you and your family need.” – Esquire Magazine Dec 20, 2017 Full Review The Book of Henry (2017) 21% EDIT “I feel like I've been mugged by a Decemberists song. I am confused, annoyed, and exhausted-and that doesn't mean I don't recommend it.” – Esquire Magazine Nov 6, 2017 Full Review mother! (2017) 68% EDIT “Mother! is bleak, ponderous, loud, and endless.” – Esquire Magazine Sep 21, 2017 Full Review Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) 16% EDIT “All of the characters talk in one of two ways: They're either cracking wise exactly the same, or they're holding forth in what a sixth-grader thinks a Shakespeare monologue sounds like.” – Esquire Magazine Jul 21, 2017 Full Review American Anarchist (2016) 67% C+ EDIT “What starts as an interesting look at a man who singularly inspired a lot of violent perpetrators becomes an unnecessarily hectoring judgment of someone who's already been punished for his youthful bravado.” – AV Club Mar 23, 2017 Full Review
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